About
Writing is a physical act.
Wanting to write, intending to write, and planning to write are not.
Turning a stack of yellow, #2 pencils one by one in my plastic schoolgirl sharpener, opening my notebook to the next empty line, and drawing the graphite point across the page in erratic cursive swoops and swirls that would make my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Best cringe is how I get physical. When I get out of my head, drop down into my body, ignore the inner editor, and just feel the lead across the tooth of the paper, that’s when the writing begins.
I’d been a frustrated writer since the age of twelve, worried about whether I was doing it right. At 42 I embraced my voice, gave up the idea about how I was supposed to write, and just began. I gave myself permission to write the worst crap in the world, and some of it is. A lot of it. But some of it isn’t. That’s what I share here. When I began this blog, my intention was for it to be a portfolio of sorts, a place to show my work as a writer, a way to begin to share my work with a larger audience. It has become so much more.
My first blogpost was a poem, only the third one I’d ever created, that came out of me during a writing group session six weeks after my fiancé died of suicide. When I read the freshly-composed Found Receipt to the group, the universal response from the 11 other people around the table was, “stop holding back and start submitting your work for publication”. This blog is how I chose to begin publishing my work and it has led to incredible connections with people across the world, created by the open and vulnerable sharing of stories. Writing and sharing my words has been one of the most helpful means by which to navigate the grief of this past year, the most difficult of my life. Recently I created a page, Resources, where I’m adding other things I’ve found that have helped me through suffering and loss.
When I’m not writing poetry I pit and can cherries in red wine, turn wood, philosophize on early morning walks, create beauty any way I can, practice acceptance, and breathe. I call Seattle, Washington home.
Here you can read the blog I created for my restaurant, A Table Shared.
It appears we have more in common than just a love of food and good writing. I too embraced my inner writer in my forties, figuring that I was probably halfway through the show, and I’d better get busy if I was going to accomplish my writing goals.
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Well put!
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Hi Carolin!
My name is Steph and I just came across your piece (https://writeswithpencils.wordpress.com/2014/09/28/the-translation-of-i-love-you/) and loved it. I was wondering if you’d be open to me republishing it on my site, Human Parts (https://medium.com/human-parts). I would link back and all that. Let me know! You can reach me at hihumanparts@gmail.com.
Have a great day 🙂
Steph
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Steph,
I’m so glad that my story touched you. Thanks for asking, but yes, absolutely, go right ahead and republish it. I took a look at your site and plan to read my way through it. It’s very well curated.
Thanks again for reading,
Carolin
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Thank you! I just saw your response, here’s the post 🙂 https://medium.com/human-parts/the-translation-of-i-love-you-d48d3e8ad026
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I absolutely love your blog. Your social serenity, hope and perseverance remind me of my mother. Strong and nimble at the same time. She too left fighting a violent battle.
Keep up the writing.. the world needs more women like you 🙂
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Thank you, that is so kind. I do the best I can to make the world a better place one word, one act of kindness, one human connection at a time. I’ve had a short break of a few weeks while traveling, but yes, I’ll keep writing, I have to.
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Just found your blog. I love your style, writing and otherwise. You’ve got a follower in me!
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Thanks for reading.
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Ignoring the inner Editor sounds like fantastic advice. Great locations. Will look forward to enjoying at least 50 years of your writing…
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The Editor bit was already in there, but thanks for teaching me a new way to quiet it. Brilliant. Two homes. Feels right.
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Hello to you Miss,
I hope you won’t mind my interruption? I thought I was the last person on earth who still wrote with a pencil in my diary! Pencils are perfect, graphite is water-proof and never bleeds through my paper. Currently, I’m going through a box of Dixon Ticonderoga #12 pencils and Mirado Black Warriors. . . I feel an affinity for the Ticonderoga’s as I wrote with them as a lad in grammar school. Pardon the intrusion, my best to you.
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Not only on my journals, I’m writing a novel in pencil as well. Ticonderogas are the best.
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I’m glad you found Dancing on Frozen Beaver Ponds Carolin… and that it led me here.
Every “work” morning, in a journal I take a 0.3 black technical pen, write the date, draw a box around it and colour it in with a pencil crayon. And then I go to work on the computer. I often wonder why this very small act brings me so much pleasure… I believe you may have answered that question.
I look forward to following and reading your work.
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I understand the ritual. The body thinks differently, through disparate processes, than does the brain. And humans are physical beings, we crave movement and connection to the our physical world. I think differently with a pencil in my hand than I do while typing, or driving, or baking. For me they are all unique paths to the unconscious creative collective.
I look forward to reading your work as well. Thank you for visiting.
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Your poems resonate beautifully … I LOVE the “getting physical” perspective on writing. For years I considered rocking (in a rocking chair) my form of exercise. Then at midlife my poetic daughter got me into writing. Not much rocking anymore – too busy writing!
Glad you found StepsAndPauses creating this connection.
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Thank you. And I definitely get physical with my writing. Being left-handed, I’m often smeared and covered with graphite if I’m at it for a while. Thank you for reading.
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Hello Carolin…. I count myself in as a life long lover of pencils too. Quite the group gathering here! I draw with mine, or they draw with me. It’s always a dance of some sort.
Very glad to be here Carolin….thank you for the poetic invitation on Poetry of Light. I look forward to an inspiring relationship with your penciled words.
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Pencil lovers unite! Sometimes I also feel as if the pencils themselves are doing the writing. Welcome, and thank you for reading.
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Yours is a compelling story. I am glad that you are writing. Keep it up.
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Thank you. There are many layers to the story; I’m slowly unpacking it. Thank you for reading it. I look forward to reading more of yours.
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I love how you described writing. I love to write, though never give myself time to just sit and let the stories flow. I know it is inside me. I have started a blog so at least I can write about something… hopefully one day it will lead to story writing. But at least for now I am putting thoughts to paper (computer). Keep writing and sharing. This has inspired me.
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I’m so glad you found some inspiration in my work. For many years when I was younger I came up with many reasons why I couldn’t write: not inspired, too busy, didn’t have the right desk, or paper, or room etc… But in my 40’s I finally admitted to myself that I was just scared that my writing wouldn’t be worth reading, that I wasn’t any good at it. Then I just began to write, for me, for the fun of it, to get things out of my brain or out of my heart and on to the page. I gave myself permission to write the worst garbage in the world. And some of what I write is terrible, most first drafts are. But some of what I write is good, or is good once it’s edited and revised. Just begin, and then keep writing. I definitely will. Thanks for reading.
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I just found your blog… And I instantly fell in love with it… I am following both. Great work you have in here. I found so much similarities. I feel at home. I love poetryand writing my heart out, baking to meditate, and telling stories. Continue to inspire us! God bless!
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Isn’t it fantastic to feel that connection when you read something new? Thank you so much! I’m so glad you found somethings in my words that resonated for you. Welcome.
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Beautiful works of poetry here. I will be back!
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Thank you for the kind words and for reading through my recent work. I’ll keep writing…
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