Writes With Pencils

fiction, memoir, essays and poetry

Tag: Confusion

Stuck in Traffic

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Ahead lie foggy roads
a horizon in the mist
blinking yellow caution lights warn
beware, beware, beware.

Behind lie open roads
intersections of possibilities and hope
shining green traffic lights encouraged
go on, go on, go on.

Here I lie at the crossroads
of love and loss, bruised and battered
glaring red stoplights scream
but why? but why? but why?

The Logic of Suicide

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Fish fly through concrete clouds,
cats play fetch then never sleep.

Fire freezes and ice boils,
mountains turn to dust.

Old oak floors are made of pudding,
and clocks tick seconds by the week.

In this newly inherited sanity,
all is as it should be
and nothing ever will.

Mysteries of Suicide #1

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Last night I dreamt
of guns and bullets,
but this time
I held the pistol
and my finger
pulled the trigger.

It was fully loaded
when I picked it up.
Ten bullets,
each in its own place,
all neatly arranged
and ready to fire.

In my novice hand
it was weighty,
dangerous, and lethal
exactly as I had imagined
and always feared,
but I felt nothing.

On the wall was a page
of my own writing:
indecipherable,
hung at the height
of a crucifix
above a doorway.

I looked up at it
and aimed.
My right arm outstretched,
my eyes focused
along its length,
and fired.

The first bullet struck
to the right of the page
the second, third and fourth
shredded words and lines;
the fifth through ninth
made lace of my prose.

When I pulled the trigger
for the tenth time
there was only a click.
I finally exhaled
realizing then
I’d been holding my breath.

I lowered my arm
relieved, but no closer
to understanding
why out of ten
he’d been found
with seven unfired.

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