Writes With Pencils

fiction, memoir, essays and poetry

Tag: Home

Soup For One

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Solitude is not loneliness.
It is a sacred place
of books
and photos with curled edges
steamed to the wall
by simmering broth

served in a single bowl
on a well-worn table,
bread crumbs
trailing across the boards
connecting thoughts and memories
plucked by songbirds’ beaks;

served in a single bowl
bought at the flea market in Munich
with a bike
that is still chained to a rail
near Kaffeehaus Altschwabing
because I lost the key;

served in a single bowl
packed across the Atlantic
and back,
four times at least,
that I hold to my lips and inhale
the portable comfort of home;

served in a single bowl
fashioned with hands on a wheel
in Japan,
glazed with a monk’s meditation
full of kindness and intention
that remind me to pause;

served in a single bowl
from the pressure cooker of my mind,
of stories
bubbling to the surface
waiting to be written,
waiting to be read.

Hawaiian Shirt

Williamsphone 319

A rumpled Hawaiian shirt,
splashed with palm leaves and bamboo,
was well worn by a man
of quirky wit and wandering adventures.
I found it in the bottom of his closet,
fallen from its hanger
into a heap
as its owner had fallen from sanity
into despair.

It suited him, that shirt.
I realize more so now, than while he was alive.
They both came from a place
of constant temperatures and temperament;
gentle breezes, surrounded by the sea;
and swaying hula girls
on dashboards
sipping fruity, pineapple drinks
with umbrellas.

But beneath turquoise pools,
and a ready smile, lay a molten intensity
able to create earth
or to rip apart its own solidity of being.
The islands were his second home.
I wish him there now,
swimming at night
with sea turtles and manta rays.
Aloha, my love. Aloha.

Safely Home

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The way you hear me, and see me,

without judgment,

unties the string

unwraps the paper

and opens the lid completely

of the box

that holds the treasure

of my dreams and fears and sacredness.

I surrender,

fall back knowing,

Knowing,

that your heart will catch me.

And it does.

And I am protected.

And accepted.

And free.

And my most authentic self.

With you, my love, I am home-

a sturdy one

with a foundation

set deep into solid ground,

and walls built of stones

harvested from fields

by the hands of honest men.

Its rafters and beams,

hewn from oak and fruit trees,

hold a roof of slate

which does more

than keep the rain outside.

Inset in bays and gables

windows let in the morning sun

to wake me with its smile

and frame the candle-glow in evening

so I may always find its door

and be welcomed

in its warm embrace,

safely, in your arms.

2014

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january:
writing. writing. writing. anxiety. loss.
home. relief. sadness. security.
writing.
anxiety. sadness. gratitude.
writing.
acceptance. affirmations. gratitude.
writing.
acceptance. affirmations. gratitude.
writing.
compassion. compassion. compassion.
writing.
insight.
acceptance.
connection.
love.

february:
love. anticipation. love.
crash.
break-up.
iceland.
tears. tears. tears.
geysers. waterfalls. springs. sand.
tears. tears. tears.
letter. love. tenderness.
apology. insight.
hope.

march:
denmark. friends. generosity. kindness. candlelight. care.
lingerie. sandwiches.
reconciliation. hope. love.
understanding. love.
home. love.

april:
spokane. love. laughter. love. hotel. loving. writing. love.
driving. snowflakes. driving. mars.
admiration. love.
plan. plan. plan.
love. love. love.
future.
love.

may:
love. planning. love. packing. love.
joy. joy. joy.
love. planning. love. packing. love.

june:
moving. cleaning. hectic. love.
concern. care. love. doctors.
concern. care. love. fear.
concern. care. love. madness.
fear. terror. fear. terror. fear.
gratitude. love. fear.
gratitude. love. fear.
anniversary. tears. love. fear. love.

july:
courage. fear. vulnerability.
powerlessness.
doctors. therapists. nurses.
pleading. calling. cajoling. begging.
powerlessness.
frustration. fear. courage. fear.
powerlessness.
appointment.
hope.
psychiatrist.
hope.
relax.
missing.
phone. keys. notes. ring.
panic.
missing.
panic.
call.
police.
homicide.
gun.
suicide.
gun.
wailing. sobs. weeping.
friends. grief. family. grief.
grief. bourbon. grief.
bourbon. house*. bourbon. house. bourbon.

august:
bourbon. house. bourbon. house. bourbon.
bourbon. house. cat. bourbon. house. cat. bourbon.
bourbon. house. cat. bourbon. house. cat. bourbon.
bourbon. house. cat. bourbon. house. cat. bourbon.
receipt. grief. bullets. grief.
writing. grief. poem. grief. blog. grief.

september:
grief. writing. grief. support.
grief. bookmarks. grief. writing. grief.
grief. wedding. grief. friendship.
california. grief.
laugh. drink. laugh. drink. sleep. drink. laugh. write.
grief.

october:
grief. writing. grief. writing. grief.
inertia.
grief. writing. grief. writing. grief.
inertia.
repeat.
repeat.
repeat.

november:
grief. road trip. grief. dinosaurs. grief
apples. poem. hope.
haiku. scotland.
driving. desert. writing.
anticipation. love.
driving. driving. driving.
painting. laughing. painting. sharing. love.
airport. kiss. poetry. love.

december:
love. passion. love. grief. love. parting. love.
tarts. love. grief. love.
crash. grief. anxiety. grief.
love. grief. love.
writing.
love. love. love.
writing. grief.
love. love.
writing. grief.
love.
writing.
love.

*House M.D. all 9 seasons back to back.
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