Forget Jesus, coffee-shitting cats are my personal saviors. How their digestive process can produce the smoothest coffee in the world is heaven’s creation. I’m grateful for the third world disciples who’ve committed their lives to serving the furry deities so I can enjoy a cup of coffee that costs me more than they earn in a year. Don’t pity their poverty; sifting through feline scat to harvest the sweetened cherries for their first world brethren is in the service of the Lord. Being saved from the fires of hell should be enough for them, Amen.